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we live on a lot of stories we tell ourselves

we humans can be such an audacious species. usually we mean well, but ultimately, most of our self-enacted actions tend to be for a primarily selfish gain. when that works also for a greater good, we all win. but too often, everything else, everything that isn’t us, is left to deal with the consequences. however infiltrating they are.

when we zoom out, we can see easily how the tendrils of our desires splay out widely to impact the rest. like most things, employing such an awareness is far less difficult than we make it out to be. with a little self-restraint, adhering to less self-involved perspectives can be of great benefit. which we maybe need now more than ever.

an artist was shocked once when in the midst of a general conversation about the color dominance of his paintings, as he chronologically listed popularity of the hues to his work, i readily spoke the color that was probably his next most popular. getting the sense that he was typically met by empty faces on bodies eager to be regaled by his singular-seeming wisdom, that i could see what he had done to be so marketable was apparently odd. but, as i told him, i was really good at the p.r. job i had once. and spotting trends was dominant to that skillset.

his mouth agape, i filled the silence that floated in the air around his unspoken questioning of my past with a continued explication of generic awareness. knowledge that he was clearly seeking. felt he needed to know. he seemed greatly perplexed by how others could surmise his plans somehow.

patterns of human behavior aren’t that difficult to suss out. none of us are nearly as subtle or crafty as we believe we are. and how effortless it can be to get others to believe what we want is jarring. dating pools are good teachers for that. those who refrain from being part of them are more so. but, it is still yet another thing many of us learn the hard way.

recurrences of all things exist everywhere. seeing them is easy. acting outside of the path they forge is the hard part. but following them usually requires little or no thought. if all behavior was seen to be as simple in origin as it truly is, there would likely be a lot less confusion to get waylaid by.

clearly, something benefits from our blind actions. and, when we take the effort to look, skirting that easier rote thinking sometimes shows what nudged it out of place to begin with. which is perhaps what we learn the most from studying.

one charge i was routinely tasked to accompany was always heavily in tune with those responsible for our transport. unlike most others who made up my work days, he vocalized his emotions and discomforts with abandon. not the reckless kind, but he was definitely one who was willing to make waves as necessary.

given that most pushback was unnecessary to begin with, rarely did we face deterrents. it didn’t hurt that in most circles, he was moderately famous. and stereotypically good looking. but that he unabashedly questioned behaviors he had issue with made it rather difficult to superficially please him. and that apparently was too much for some people.

before we used apps like über and we all became potential tools for others to use as they saw fit, a driver a studio had hired eagerly texted a lot as he drove us to the airport. it was years before there were laws about this aberrant behavior, and the first adopters of such mobile communication utilized this stealthier action over audible phone calls as much as possible. despite the obvious drawbacks.

as he almost veered into nearby traffic lanes several times, my movie star accompaniment asked him politely to not text while he was driving. my companion’s own driving background was not a necessary detail to incorporate into that request, but knowing of it in depth as i did made me pucker a bit more seeing his building anxiety.

the chauffeured driver mostly ignored his request. and, especially in retrospect, my traveling cohort handled that affront most gracefully. in a hushed voice when we arrived, he made a call before we boarded. the panicked questions i got from my boss and the studio once we landed let me in on what i already knew to be the case.

things may not have changed much that day. but it was nice to know that others were finally now in on the kinds of disregard that consistently plagued some of the roles. that we handled as best we could. in the moment. all the time.

between now being mostly a passenger in a very fast vehicle, and primarily in a wheelchair pushed by another otherwise, i see more obviously how a lack of awareness in others can permeate situations. and how unnecessary it is. easily avoidable.

every time i’m out now, i’m queried about how i handle the lack of control i have in my life. and face immense skepticism at my calm reaction. but, i continue to reply honestly. aside from the unwavering trust i have in both myself and my person, i also know now how farcical it is to believe that i ever really had any control in the first place. and am confronted constantly with how readily i bought into the ridiculous sensibility that i did.

despite what we think, we really don’t have any. and while i am admittedly late to the party myself, once we realize the bigger part we play, the less myopic we tend to act. think. abiding by our intuition’s guidance system is usually what creates the quandaries we feel but don’t understand. waste time and energy arguing against. and it’s something we likely must teach to ourselves.

believing in whomever we entrust our well-being to in the moment is paramount. and while entrusting someone to look out for us, to treat us sometimes better than we treat ourselves, may not be easy, it helps to remember that if it were, everyone would do it. that they don’t, and how much we look out mostly for our own interests, is telling.

finding someone who doesn’t automatically think that way restores faith in humanity. and, from what i see around me, we all could use having a bit more. to grow. share. the time for self-importance is no longer. and as relevant a message as it is, not texting while driving is but the tip of the iceberg. so, here’s to more awareness in general. we can certainly all use it.


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