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use it or lose it applies to all parts of our makeup

a commonly referenced rhetoric for all things is “use it or lose it.” it pertains to various parts of lives. in many circles, it is spoken a lot in reference to athletic elements. bodily function. but the longer we’re here, it appears to sing to cognitive pieces as well.

with that, the identities we hold onto so fiercely immediately come into question. which we hardly ever collectively address. but my m.s. has shown me flagrantly what that can mean in application. and a previous life spent doing p.r. work primed me for living a life of baseless continuity without my being aware of it. how very cheeky this life can be.

everytime a reason for comment came up, all sponsors wanted to be included. whether they had a referenced contribution or not. the adage that there is no such thing as bad publicity clearly got taken out of context at some point. and it stuck. i am working diligently to modify my continuance of that fallacy, and whether i succeed at it or not, doing so always hovers at the top of my priority list. but as i myself still frustratingly do too often, people more readily hold onto the wrong pieces, it seems.

for the person caught in the crossfires, it doesn’t ever feel that innocuous. when there is a forever spotlight highlighting not-great actions and reactions, grace from a respite of off behavior is never attained. self-work is paramount in those instances. and while that gets left out from the generalized and appropriated quote, that is the authentic reality that exists. that few are willing to face. accept.

when someone can be hired to fix mistakes made, the consequence to making them becomes almost nonexistent. and people act accordingly. some take advantage of their clear-looking situation. and those of us who uphold that sanitized belief decimate the potential for growth. in any of us.

outdated constructs continue to carry on as the same faces appear in different roles in the world. they collide with contemporary visions of purported greatness, and calamity often ensues. be it physical misappropriation of resources or mental unjust, usually in the forms of gaslighting and non-belief, sufferers get created.

their ability, and whatever the reason, at whatever level it is, to share or withhold opinions is ignored. and we go on to overlook whatever issues arose to begin with. malignant or otherwise, they remain for us to address later. if we ever do.

what is seen to be old-hat type behaviors, and the things that are merely assumed to be commonplace, remain. as humans, we grow and evolve. but we don’t always extend that same encouragement to the processes of the ways of life that existed before us. and we get stuck.

neurologically speaking, not updating our mental programming is as detrimental as allowing a computer to sit disconnected in a cabinet for years. or leaving a car stowed and un-driven for decades. we stagnate as we grow older. and other than memories of questionable accusations and some of their ramifications, never has this been clearer to me than with my m.s.

the backwards slide i’ve embarked on is humiliating. losing even the loose grip i had on who i am as the benjamin button quality of this existence constantly alters my reality is jarring. like seeing a more simple feel-good movie when you anticipate sci-fi.

why it is common for us to lose friendships is no longer a question mark. we aren’t the same once we face this. and that causes all kinds of kerfuffles. most of which we aren’t equipped to recover from. to deal with as constantly and mercilessly as we need to so we can heal and regrow. no one wants a front row seat to that.

and few will stick around to see what else is hiding. using something you never had makes this another thing we need to learn like new. and remember. hopefully, such repeated use counts towards strengthening that muscle. if we surrender that too, how lost we’re likely to get is boundless.

with chronic conditions, we face the unknown everyday. as well as the accompanying fears and anxieties that arise from living without the safety net that a steady consciousness provides. it is abundantly clear now why when client identities got rewritten per project, endorsing them was at times so difficult for them. without a consistent stronghold to align with, purpose becomes muddled. murky. as does the messaging. and as we’ve seen via bible story memes and the telephone game alike, simple misunderstandings can bring up a world of hurt. years of misinformed prosecutions.

identities are far more cohesive to our beings than we give them credit for. personalities are just the top-most layer. the most visible. in many cases, they’re the most accessible to judgement. while doing so compounds the issue of what it is that reaches farthest back in rooted identity, humanity and the medical field both abstain from overtly making a connection.

it is casually pondered aloud from time to time, but the overlay between mind and body is direct. if there is anything to come out of this existence, my experience shows me how very callously and often we disregard obvious ties. my person has borne the brunt of what the dsm-iv would dismissively refer to as a schizophrenic personality divide. and my personal mortification would perhaps be lessened if the changes we face were normalized and addressed with an m.s. diagnosis.

in this case, class divides take on the characteristics most often associated with racism. and like the uneven cultural progress of minorities, this unnecessary medical treatment chasm also brings with it similar impediments to solutions. while i am constantly shown how i hold onto the wrong things, the illogical pieces that have somehow made their way onto the supposedly logical path of my mental reasoning, the parallels to the orchestration of specialized humanity are impossible not to see. and “use it or lose it” takes on a whole new meaning.

seeing people i maybe know is a grab-bag of expectations. by the end of my time in that public profession, other than to my person, i rarely spoke. communication to make things happen was mostly electronic. and since my diagnosis, my ability to suss out rhetorical conversation pieces from real ones to actually respond to is way off. it would be more comical if it weren’t so hazardous. the situations in which i find myself can be harrowing. especially conversationally. and most egregiously, with my person.

like almost every human pairing i know of, we come from notably different backgrounds. while our available role models for staying alive may have taken in similar cultures, their social output on us was extremely differing. our take-aways blatantly show that. my default programming is not at all how i want to live now. and while the criss-crosses of my own perspectives with those of others is hit or miss in the success department, ultimately being content with who i choose to be is what is truly paramount. i must find a way to remember that.

not so ironically, that more stable jumping-off point is not far off from that of the being my soul chose as my mirror. but i risk appearing like a mimicking parrot as i relearn myself around him. and while the words are often the same, the intended meanings are not always.

stored shortcuts to shorthands i routinely used confound me now even on the most sense-making of days. and to further that conduit of pain, how he likely hears me is terrifying as it is often not close to what i intend to impart. to my great displeasure, our conversations are nonsensical sometimes. devolve rapidly.

patience and knowledgeable respect is all anyone can ask for. ideally receive. like the majority of my frustratingly unseen intent, most older gentlemen being popped for potentially damaging actions are harmless. we don’t know what we don’t know. in every way. but we all get to learn again. and give each other the space to do so, too.

in all we’ve learned from our mostly-furry friends, encouragement for forward-facing behavior has more benefit than negative reinforcement. applying that to our own interactions will hopefully guide us to the next right step.

churches may not exist as they used to, but we don’t need them to show each other some compassion in the moment. presence and appreciation go a long way. whatever the seemingly problematic being looks like. and knowing that we all are in need of that help at times should calm us. experiential learning may feel harsh at times, but it is just as valuable as formal education. perhaps, maybe more so.


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